From me to you...
Are you a planner?
If so, then awesome! For a lot of planners and very structured individuals New Year's resolutions can feel refreshing and like a 'back bone' to rest upon, or a guide post to measure against.
For the rest of you, who aren't planners...I got ya!
I'm not a planner, in fact, today in a coaching call, I was guiding someone through some questions and the theme was around feeling like a "flake", because this person would often abandon their resolve or goals when it didn't suit the situation. As a result, called themselves a "flake".
As we moved though the questions and process I was floored to learn what this person discovered!!
That 'flakiness'? It wasn't flakiness at all, it was rebellion against black and white thinking!!
It totally landed for me and really helped me learn more about my own process I have been going through lately. The rigidity of rules has me wondering about these giant declarations. Yes, the intention is fabulous,...
Have you ever noticed how often people will speak from a 'we' or 'you' perspective vs. 'I'.
You are standing with your friend, who's pissed about work, and they say, "You know when you just can't take it anymore? You know that place where you just wanna punch your boss in the face 'cause they just don't get it?"
Know what I mean? When the other person is talking to YOU, AND using the word YOU instead of using the word 'I'!!
How that should sound: "I just can't take it anymore, I want to punch my boss in the face 'cause they just won't get it! Do you ever feel like that?"
I've come to see this behaviour as distancing from one's opinion and feelings.
I see it frequently in my office and it's always seemed a bit off and alarming to me when someone is talking about their personal experience and using the word "you". It's like they are needing my 'buy in', my colluding in order to feel ok expressing what they are saying.
In fact, it's SO common, I'm...
This is my suggestion on creating a (just one) New Year's resolution:
That's it, that's all!
And, I'm starting right now...by KISSing this newsletter :)
PS: If you do want more...please let me know :)
Whether you view Christmas dinner as a time for catching up and deepening conversations, or it's the dreaded interrogation, it's always a good idea to prepare yourself ahead of time.
Let's start with the ones that you can't wait to gather with again in your family. Have you ever walked away from a great time connecting and suddenly realize that you had slipped back into the 'comedian', 'people-pleaser' or 'know it all'? Maybe you shake your head wondering how come you've just said a bunch of jokes that outside of that setting would have you cringing.
When we step back into our family systems, even as grown adults, we can end up sliding back into a 'preferred role' that we are accustomed to playing out in that family/group of people. And, unless we are aware of it, we will automatically 'transform' back into that role.
To prevent that from happening, you first need to identify what your experience is - in and out of your family system. Typical...
First of all, please hear this of ALL things:
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!
If you are anything like me and you learn that there potentially is an ounce of control...you jump on it!
It doesn't 100% work like that when it comes to stress induced illnesses. Yes, there are factors you can control, AND there are factors that are unknown to you and therefore you can't!!
These newsletters (last week and today) are purposeful to bring your attention to your body. Your body is an amazing information source. It WILL tell you when you are living a life not in integrity for you!
Again, that doesn't mean you've done something wrong! It means your body is giving you information that your conscious and somewhat conditioned mind is maybe not willing to see.
In 2019, I developed an irritating hand eczema called Dyshidrotic eczema. It's from the break down of my natural barrier and I get little blisters that are insanely itchy. I passed it off to dry skin and...
Research is showing correlations to stress related illnesses - let's just cut to the chase and call it what it is - Stress caused illnesses.
We've all heard the stats on stress and increased risk of hear disease, diabetes, autoimmune diseases, but have we really stopped to consider the full extent?!
The medical community has, in large, been VERY slow to acknowledge the mind/body connection. Preferring instead to see the body separate and see it through a pathologizing lens.
Despite the centuries of Eastern medicine showing evidence of mind/body and spirit connection and how they address the person as a whole.
Here in the western medicine world it's not like that.
Let's think about cancer, and how many chemicals have been found to directly cause cancer. Those chemicals are slowly being weeded out to protect humanity.
Those, I propose, are more comfortable for western medicine to address and acknowledge. Vs...the chaos they may fear if they acknowledge the direct connection of...
When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone?
Have you ever thought about intentionally pushing yourself so you can experience “a different” in your life?
Steps outside of your comfort zone don’t have to be GIANT! You can have that conversation you’ve been avoiding, you can text that person you’ve been thinking of and avoiding in case you don’t get it ‘quite right’. You can sign up for a competition! All sorts of ways to step out of your comfort zone, so you can meet yourself!
Intentionally feel uncomfortable so I can meet myself?
How does that work?
When we do something that is out of our normal it shakes us up,
it stops the regular pattern in our very efficient minds,
to cause a mini mind-quake!
I ended up signing up for time trials in my master’s swim club, and at first I thought, it will be fun, something competitive and different. Plus, I can see where I stand...
What do you do when you are pointing your finger at your partner believing if they could just_______ , then you could feel_______?
Ever find yourself wishing things like:
Notice how we can insert anything into the blanks?
"If only YOU would _______, then I could feel _______."
Believing if only they change their way, then everything would be better.
I fell into this the other night - I went to bed as my wife stayed up to watch a movie. I was ‘pointing my finger’ at her, wishing if she would just come to bed and pay attention to me then I would feel desirable.
I let that ruminate in my head for a while - WHATEVER!
The truth is: I was feeling tired,...
What is this giant game of life all about anyway? I’ve been deep diving into my hidden closets and I keep coming up with that question...
What is this all for?
Why do I get out of bed in the morning? Why do I do what I do? Why am I in the relationships I’m in?
Do you find yourself asking similar questions?
If so…I feel you my friend! It’s not an easy place to be, asking and wondering, wtf?
AND….I hope you feel me on this one: I’d rather wonder this any day, than just float through life and do what “I’m supposed to do”!!!
Wondering what it’s all for is a painful place because the answers are not quick to resolve. It isn’t a quick check within and you have a new agenda and itinerary for your life.
Nope, in fact it’s layered, it’s complicated and at the same time so ridiculously simple, it’s painful.
Through my deep dives and pain, I have continually come back to one constant: ...
Knowing doesn't define who you are or your abilities! It's a strategy I see with many clients - the need to know or predict.
The belief is - "If I can figure it out - then I'm safe".
The opposite is true, the need to know and predict can keep you trapped, and constantly on alert to figure things out.
The cost of not being present. Of being so busy in your mind predicting, noticing, trying to stay steps ahead, that you miss what is directly in front of you.
It's not possible to connect heart to heart when we are in our heads. It's not possible to be present, when we are in our heads.
Step 1: Recognize that you are trying to figure it all out, and give yourself permission to 'shelve it' for now.
Step 2: Get present. Take 3 deep belly breaths. Now look around you, find 1 thing that is beautiful. Notice the smell surrounding you. Notice the sounds.
Step 3: Stay involved in the 'here and now' - if people are there,...