From me to you...
Getting stuck, literally, can be quite
informative as to how one responds when
they get stuck figuratively.
Recently, I got stuck in an elevator and I was by myself. I was on my way down to bring my client up during a Saturday, which is when the office building is locked. I pushed the "G" button to go to the ground floor, nothing happened. I pushed again, it lit up, then turned off. I then pushed it again, swiping my card thinking maybe the swipe access is glitching. The doors close and then open. I calculate quickly: if I get off, send this down, then maybe the other elevator will come quickly.
Why the stairs didn’t enter my mind is beyond me. I was then figuring out that playing around with the elevator is going to take too long so I repeatedly push the button and the doors do their close and open routine a couple more times then…hallelujah I was on my way down!!
It reaches the third floor and stops. I push all the buttons, they don't even...
WOW OH WOW! A couples months ago I was surprised to acknowledge this part of me:
On my drive into work I noticed that part of me that I judge as the 'asshole', as I was driving, I would even say to myself, don’t be an asshole and drive around people too fast in the snow!
Then I arrive, to walk past two, what I can just guess to be homeless men, sleeping in their sleeping bags in the vestibule beside the parkade elevator. I’m not sure how they got in there, and that doesn’t matter. What matters is as I walked by they didn’t give me any ill feeling. I could have easily said, guys time to move along, I’m sorry you are without a place to sleep. Or something to at least address them. Nope, instead I started composing an email to the property managers to get someone down here to get them out!
As I get closer to my office, there's water on the floor, looking like a water leak through the utility panel. I then stopped composing the email,...
If you have started your road to recovery from trauma or if you are in relationship with someone who is on that road…HAVE PATIENCE!
There’s a painful misconception out there, that trauma recovery is something you do and get over. It’s not true. No matter how much work you do, you don’t just get over trauma.
WAIT, don’t fret:
The tricky part? That road is not linear.
The best thing you can do for you and for your loved one in recovery, is cheer for each and every SMALL step!
Every time this person has the courage to enter the memories, cognitive and body sensations, that needs to be celebrated. To the point that, IF this person in recovery doesn’t celebrate the small steps, that in itself can become its own problematic belief system...
I received a response to the newsletter I sent out a couple of weeks ago that let me know to add a little more in this one.
If you didn't get a chance to read this newsletter, it's right here, in my Blog Page, titled "Getting your needs met in relationship".
Do you feel resentful that you are 'always' meeting their needs and not getting your needs met?
I know this place, it's brutal. AND there is help.
Most people who are givers, typically prioritize other's needs, and at first all the giving serves a purpose, they feel important, like they belong and have value in that position.
The problem is if that is one of the main ways they derive their value, it will blow up at some point.
We givers need to find our value in who we are, not what we do! So, if you can relate with being a giver, and you can be brave and see that part of you that has maybe been feeling important and valuable by what you are doing for others, way to go for noticing!
A disappointment I see fairly often in sessions, specifically if I’m working with someone or a couple that are in an ‘off’ time in their relationship, is having a need met.
Often when people first start to get clear that they have needs and maybe those needs aren’t being met in relationship, it can feel anything from disappointing to completely deregulating. Some people really struggle to identify that they have needs. And then to identify that those needs aren’t being met (because they aren’t even being valued by the person that has them), it can feel like a very tall order to now find a way to get them met.
I recently had a workshop participant reach out asking if there is a roadmap to having needs met. And, that is what prompted this newsletter.
Yes, we can design a road map!
Normally, I send out my newsletters on a Wednesday, which would have been the day after International Women's Day...so, I thought this would be a much better to send this newsletter today to fill us all up with messages!
And, there are lots of messages!
I am wondering what message(s) you may be thinking about and pass around.
It's crazy to think that with everything going on in this world with the pandemic stretching into year 3, a major war in Ukraine, that International Women's Day needs attention, too, more than ever!
Fact is, women still face inequality in the workplace and social systems.
We can each make a difference like celebrating and promoting women owned businesses.
The I am app, is at times, a real saver. I can get stuck in negative thought patterns, particularly if I am feel stressed by something external, like finances, relationships, etc.
In that space of negative thoughts it can feel like I’m spending a great deal of energy combating my own dang thoughts:
Catching those thoughts are the first step. Identifying that they are thoughts, from parts of me that are trying to play it safe, not risk and not get hurt. It’s important to identify that it’s not the truth and it is just a strategy.
The next is to flip those thoughts or practice gratitude. And that is exhausting, at least for me, it requires breaking an automatic thought loop in there and inserting something...
What I have experienced in my own personal growth journey and by witnessing hundreds of clients in their journeys is:
Personal growth is about coming into
a deeper relationship with yourself.
It’s about embracing what is, and continuing to embrace what comes next.
I’ve experienced and witnessed myself and people making things/parts about themselves bad or wrong. Wishing that they would behave differently, feel differently and be differently. Making the negative behaviours, thoughts, beliefs something to worry about, fear, or cast away.
What I’m learning is it doesn’t seem to work that way. We can’t just cut off from the negative things. We actually need to lean into them, learn from them and embrace them.
Take negative emotions for example - Sadness. Many people (myself included), feel a level of concern when they feel sad. Often people brace from their feelings, try to fix them, or shift their thoughts and actions so they don’t...
I’ve come to realize that I’m pretty sure a part of me is running away from my awakening. I feel called, pulled, driven and even desire to shed this old skin of conditions, beliefs and way of operating in this world.
I feel the calling. I want to see clearly. I want to release my ‘need’ for external validation. I want to release my niggling insecurities and self doubt. I see the possibility, I believe if I take steps to embrace what is right ‘in front of me’, then I can release.
I step forward and run backwards. I journey, feel a deeper connection with my Self, I do my therapy and catch my thoughts and meditate. I feel…closer, I feel and believe.
I drink wine instead of continuing. I watch Netflix for hours. I numb.
This push pull of awakening has become my own version of hell, and yet I can’t let go.
I’m noticing this dichotomy of right / wrong, good / bad, godly / not godly. This...
You’ve worked all day, taken care of other’s needs, demands, problems and often on another person’s timeline, now what?
Go home, make dinner and what?
Do you ever find yourself done, and just wanting to flake and do nothing? I’ve found myself in that rutt for months now. I call it a rutt because after months of basically flaking at the end of my days I feel funky. I feel like I could be doing more, I just am not.
How many of you feel like that? (Reply to this email to let me know if you can relate).
How does one ‘break out’ of this habit?
I believe there are two main tracks:
1. Get real about what sorts of things you want to be doing at night, activities, to do lists that need to get tackled and people to connect with.
2. OR...Tonight when you get home, sit on the couch. Have a cup of tea as your first thing (or change into comfy clothes, then tea). Next…if you have a...