From me to you...

                      With love,
                        Taunya

I got stuck in an elevator!

Help I'm stuck!

Getting stuck, literally, can be quite
informative as to how one responds when
they get stuck figuratively.

Recently, I got stuck in an elevator and I was by myself. I was on my way down to bring my client up during a Saturday, which is when the office building is locked. I pushed the "G" button to go to the ground floor, nothing happened. I pushed again, it lit up, then turned off. I then pushed it again, swiping my card thinking maybe the swipe access is glitching. The doors close and then open. I calculate quickly: if I get off, send this down, then maybe the other elevator will come quickly.

Why the stairs didn’t enter my mind is beyond me. I was then figuring out that playing around with the elevator is going to take too long so I repeatedly push the button and the doors do their close and open routine a couple more times then…hallelujah I was on my way down!!

It reaches the third floor and stops. I push all the buttons, they don't even...

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Am I an asshole???

Inner ASSHOLE!

WOW OH WOW! A couples months ago I was surprised to acknowledge this part of me:

On my drive into work I noticed that part of me that I judge as the 'asshole', as I was driving, I would even say to myself, don’t be an asshole and drive around people too fast in the snow!

Then I arrive, to walk past two, what I can just guess to be homeless men, sleeping in their sleeping bags in the vestibule beside the parkade elevator. I’m not sure how they got in there, and that doesn’t matter. What matters is as I walked by they didn’t give me any ill feeling. I could have easily said, guys time to move along, I’m sorry you are without a place to sleep. Or something to at least address them. Nope, instead I started composing an email to the property managers to get someone down here to get them out!

As I get closer to my office, there's water on the floor, looking like a water leak through the utility panel. I then stopped composing the email,...

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The road to trauma recovery is a windy one

Road to Trauma Recovery

If you have started your road to recovery from trauma or if you are in relationship with someone who is on that road…HAVE PATIENCE!

There’s a painful misconception out there, that trauma recovery is something you do and get over. It’s not true. No matter how much work you do, you don’t just get over trauma.

WAIT, don’t fret:

    • You do lose sensitivity to triggers
    • You do manage and limit poor coping behaviours
    • You do develop a new way of relating to yourself in the world and with others, and find peace in it all.

The tricky part? That road is not linear.

The best thing you can do for you and for your loved one in recovery, is cheer for each and every SMALL step!

Every time this person has the courage to enter the memories, cognitive and body sensations, that needs to be celebrated. To the point that, IF this person in recovery doesn’t celebrate the small steps, that in itself can become its own problematic belief system...

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Healthy venting

She's ready to blow!!!

Why venting doesn't work with your friends or lover, and does work with your therapist!

Venting is a behaviour of speaking out all your grievances to someone. Sometimes it may even include speaking about someone else's behaviour with no intent to share with them.

The purpose of venting and why we can feel drawn to want to vent is to 'offload' the anxiety or angst you feel.

By speaking out all the thoughts and sharing your emotions (frustration, disappointment, anger) it can feel like you are lightening your load.

In reality when you vent with friends or family they aren't in a position to just let you spew your thoughts on the table and hang out to see what you do with them.

More often than not friends and family (with good intention) will do 1 of 2 behaviours:

  1. "Fan the flames": They will jump on board with you agreeing with what you are saying and amplifying the situation. Imagine one friend is sharing their frustration over their divorce process, they...
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My favorite app

My favorite app in times of darkness

The I am app, is at times, a real saver. I can get stuck in negative thought patterns, particularly if I am feel stressed by something external, like finances, relationships, etc.

In that space of negative thoughts it can feel like I’m spending a great deal of energy combating my own dang thoughts:

  • “Don’t say that, it’s stupid.”
  • “They only said that because they are being polite.”
  • “If you were doing good you wouldn’t be feeling this way, you know better.”

Catching those thoughts are the first step. Identifying that they are thoughts, from parts of me that are trying to play it safe, not risk and not get hurt. It’s important to identify that it’s not the truth and it is just a strategy.

The next is to flip those thoughts or practice gratitude. And that is exhausting, at least for me, it requires breaking an automatic thought loop in there and inserting something...

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Embrace the good, the bad and the ugly

Embrace what is...

What I have experienced in my own personal growth journey and by witnessing hundreds of clients in their journeys is:

Personal growth is about coming into
a deeper relationship with yourself.

It’s about embracing what is, and continuing to embrace what comes next.

I’ve experienced and witnessed myself and people making things/parts about themselves bad or wrong. Wishing that they would behave differently, feel differently and be differently. Making the negative behaviours, thoughts, beliefs something to worry about, fear, or cast away.

What I’m learning is it doesn’t seem to work that way. We can’t just cut off from the negative things. We actually need to lean into them, learn from them and embrace them.

Take negative emotions for example - Sadness. Many people (myself included), feel a level of concern when they feel sad. Often people brace from their feelings, try to fix them, or shift their thoughts and actions so they don’t...

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Running from Awakening!

I'm running, running, running...

I’ve come to realize that I’m pretty sure a part of me is running away from my awakening. I feel called, pulled, driven and even desire to shed this old skin of conditions, beliefs and way of operating in this world.

I feel the calling. I want to see clearly. I want to release my ‘need’ for external validation. I want to release my niggling insecurities and self doubt. I see the possibility, I believe if I take steps to embrace what is right ‘in front of me’, then I can release.

Yet... 

I step forward and run backwards. I journey, feel a deeper connection with my Self, I do my therapy and catch my thoughts and meditate. I feel…closer, I feel and believe.

I drink wine instead of continuing. I watch Netflix for hours. I numb.

This push pull of awakening has become my own version of hell, and yet I can’t let go.

I’m noticing this dichotomy of right / wrong, good / bad, godly / not godly. This...

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Beliefs

YOUR beliefs matter!

How did it go? Noticing your beliefs?
Did you read parts of the newsletters (Part 1 and 2) and scroll away?

It’s ok, just notice what reaction you had to the suggestion of noticing your beliefs.

For those who did…scroll to the next section (after the picture).

And, now for those who had a reaction to the idea of noticing your beliefs. What happened for you? Did it feel too daunting? Have you done this before and just scrolled on?

The most important aspect of personal growth is knowing what you experience in the NOW.

Anyone who found it too daunting: What is your belief to that? Do you fear it may trigger a low mood, or being you down? Are you concerned you may find something you don’t want to deal with?

If yes, to either of those, it’s okay. And, a pretty common response. I just want to send you love right now for considering things!!

Your next step may be curiosity for your current reaction/belief and then just ask yourself, is it true?...

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Beliefs

Beliefs - Part 2

This is a three part series.

Welcome back! I highly encourage you to pause what you are doing and take 5-10 min. to reflect on these questions. Print them out so you can keep working on them. (BTW: This is some of the homework I give in my therapy sessions, so you’re getting a freebie that can really make a difference in your life if you put it into action).

You can do this!

It begins with being curious, and here's how:

  1. What belief or set of beliefs are you operating from?
    Think of scenarios where you have walked away from shaking your head wondering why you behaved a certain way. Reflect on those moments with: what were you believing about yourself, about others in that moment? Ie. If you believe that people are out to get you, you will tend to operate from a belief system that you need to guard, watch your back and I imagine you may find it hard to connect heart to heart with people.
  2. Once you identify your beliefs in one or two scenarios, keep watching and...
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Beliefs

Part 1 of 3 - Let's be curious


Beliefs: Our view of who we are in the world,
and who the world is to us.


These systems in our mind that tell us what is good/bad, right/wrong. Beliefs can guide us to stay in integrity with our values.

Beliefs can also guide us to betray ourselves! Especially, if those beliefs are not ours!

Beliefs are thoughts and systems of thoughts that form throughout our life, many stemming from our upbringing and what we were exposed to verbally and visually!

Beliefs form structure for the way we operate in the world. They can be very powerful and absolutely should be explored.

I see clients in my office regularly, that haven’t explored their belief system, they just operate from it. More often than not there will be a few beliefs that my clients are holding onto that don’t actually serve them! Sometimes can even be detrimental. And, aren’t necessarily their belief.

I’ll share an example from my life that I have also seen play out for...

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