If you have started your road to recovery from trauma or if you are in relationship with someone who is on that road…HAVE PATIENCE!
There’s a painful misconception out there, that trauma recovery is something you do and get over. It’s not true. No matter how much work you do, you don’t just get over trauma.
WAIT, don’t fret:
The tricky part? That road is not linear.
The best thing you can do for you and for your loved one in recovery, is cheer for each and every SMALL step!
Every time this person has the courage to enter the memories, cognitive and body sensations, that needs to be celebrated. To the point that, IF this person in recovery doesn’t celebrate the small steps, that in itself can become its own problematic belief system and behaviour traits.
I’ll explain: I have been deep diving and working on my personal growth, healing from traumas for over 10 years. I used to notice a massive shift in myself after workshops that had experiential processes that had me question, reflect and be curious about what I’m believing about myself and the world.
I would celebrate those big epiphanies and shifts!
I soon believed that I needed big processes in order to ‘do the work’.
My next phase, I started to realize and experience that sometimes something as little as a perspective shift from reading something could affect positive change in myself.
I started to notice that I don't HAVE to push to “WORK” through and “PROCESS” things.
Ironically, the way I was approaching my healing was similar to the way I approached myself in life!
The harshness that I was expecting to accompany healing, was simply the way I spoke and interacted with myself anyway, so it made sense to me.
As I allowed myself to settle into the discomfort of gentle and graceful exploration and inquiry within myself, I started to see positive gains. (Despite my preference to push and go deep and hard!)
It was challenging to abandon the old beliefs of hard, big processing = healing.
So, we don't need BIG processes to work through trauma and reprogram, we need emotional safety, opportunities to have a trigger and then reflect, land in the emotionally safe space and integrate.
So, if you, or a loved one, have been on the recovery from adverse childhood events, recovery from unhealthy relationships, recovery from unhealthy coping behaviours, be kind, be gracious and be patient with yourself and that someone.
I'm right here cheering you both on and celebrating, too!
We've got this!
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